Here goes

So, lately, I’ve been having some real anger issues in JROTC.

People are stupid, uncooperative, and all they want to do is complain.

I try my best to help them and be respectful and all they want to do is be assholes.

So I lost it. Twice.

Yesterday, I yelled at my friend. We were practicing our company chant when a cadet said “Y’all say it so boring.” To which my friend replied, “It’s Miguel. He says it all boring.”

I shouted, in front of everybody, “I’m saying it boring?! DO YOU WANT TO DO THIS ON YOUR OWN?!?!?!”

Then we chilled out. It was a small chance to vent.

But today, it happened again.

I was already in a bad mood and tired. So, in walks this guy who’s not in our company. He talks to my Sergeant about staying. He says it’s okay as long as the guy doesn’t disturb our class. I don’t like that. This guy thinks he can just walk into our class to sit with one of my cadets. Hell naw. But, whatever, I had no say.

Then I am instructed to take the class to the downstairs range to march. The class heads downstairs while I talk to my Sergeant. I then head after them.

As soon as I enter the room, I see that guy moving chairs around. I, for some reason, think that he and my friend are lining them up to jump over them. I take no  more than 6 steps and snap.

“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!” He starts yelling at me talking about “I’ll knock your ass out, blah, blah, blah.” We really get into it and I’m all. Then my Sergeant walks in and tries to calm us down. At this point, I’ve pretty much realized that I’ve made a dick move. I apologize to the guy (he was moving the chairs around to help) and he accepts it. Then I go upstairs and begin to have a small breakdown. I calm down after a while, then the class comes back up. Again, I talk to the guy and explain that I’ve been really stressed out and that I didn’t mean any disrespect. He says that it’s cool and that he understands. I still feel like an asswipe, but I feel a bit better. Now I’m just wondering, “Am I fit to have such a large position in my battalion, when I can’t even control my own rage? What if it happens again? I can’t handle these idiots for much longer. But I want to help them be better people. Oh dear, what to do?” 

*sigh* this ends my rant/vent whatever the Hell you want to call it.

I appreciate any person who reads this. I am done. I am out.

Peace