doctor-beat: dynamitewishes: avatarstateyipyip: pizzaforpresident: So in one week we’ve got three cannibal cases in Florida, a man spitting blood all over a highway patrol officer, another man disemboweling himself and then throwing his intestines at two police officers, and a woman beheading her infant and eating it’s brain……. You guys this is probably just actual cannibal Shia...
dynamic-punch: when i try to draw feet
Tumblr has changed me.
Before tumblr: Wow that's sad
After tumblr: MY CREY ASJGLJGFFS I CAN'T, I CAN'T. I DON'T KNOW WHAT MY EMOTIONS ARE DOING RIGHT NOW
Before tumblr: He's cute
After tumblr: YOU FLAWLESS BEING. I am offended BY YOUR FACE. NOW GET IN MY BED
Before tumblr: Oh a new picture from that movie that's coming out
After tumblr: DEAR GOD WE HAVE A NEW STILL I HAVE TO MAKE GRAPHICS. WHERE DID THIS PICTURE COME FROM ASKLHSDGLKJH
Before tumblr: I'm bored
After tumblr: guise guise guise talk to me send me perverted things I won't judge you
Before tumblr: What a cute couple
After tumblr: I SHIP THEM SO HARD IT HURTS
berryhudson: why the hell are toilets so loud?!! like i’m half asleep and then i flush and it’s like a fucking mariachi band just started playing in my house at 3 am
Reblog if you actually like reading.
winterjoy211: efflorescenthappiness: dailyponds: I live for books. I live in books. Books are my life.
mrschriskendall: everyone has their little friend group thing on here where they send ask’s to each other and tinychat with each other and text each other and do like everything together and have inside jokes and then there is me waiting to get into a group
Reader: Dear Mr. Snicket, What is the best way to keep a secret?
Lemony Snicket: Tell it to everyone you know, but pretend you are kidding.
thorhead: mary had a little lamb its heart was black as coal. it crept into her room one night and ate her fucking soul.
See what your followers think of you.
aquabatgirl: BLACK = I would date you. GREEN = I think you’re cute. BLUE = You are my tumblr crush. GREY = I wish you would notice me. PURPLE = I don’t talk to you but I really love your blog. TEAL = We have a lot in common. YELLOW = I don’t know you at all. ORANGE = I don’t like your blog. BROWN = I don’t like you. PINK = I think you are unattractive. RED = I hate you with a burning passion....
how about the international justice league of super acquaintances
jack-sparrow: oh right. the poison. the poison for kuzco. the poison chosen especially to kill kuzco. kuzco’s poison.
The difference between bees and wasps.
Bee: Hi there friend! How are you today? I'm just doing my job, pollinating flowers and all, no need to be afraid of me, I'm just happy I get to enjoy this wonderful weather with you.
Wasp: Oh hey motherfucker, wanna go? I swear I will kill any cunt stupid enough to get 3 feet near me, I can sting you, and it will be the nastiest feeling you've had in awhile. Buzz Buzz, asshole. Bet that hurts doesn't it? Stupid fuck.
Woman v. The Government
Woman: I cannot afford to have a child right now. Can I have birth control?
Woman: I got pregnant but I cannot afford to have a child and I'm not ready to be a parent. Can I have an abortion?
Woman: I had the child, but I cannot afford to raise him. Will you help me out?
Woman: I guess I'll have to give my child up for adoption.
Barry and Steve: We would love to raise your child. We have been in a committed relationship for 15 years. We have steady careers and are very successful and financially stable. We love children and wish to provide a loving nurturing environment for your child. Would you be willing to give your child to us?
Woman: Sure, as long as it's ok with the government.